showing off - copping out

are we only a "good buddhist" a "good christian" a good jew" if we are doing it with other buddhists or christians or jews? we seem to need to prove to everyone else that we are what we are! am i less of a buddhist if i don't go to the dojo to sit zazen? do I need to show off my robes and my prostrations to get the approval of the others around me and to confirm that i am actually a buddhist? do i feel i’m better than the others because i have a new rakusu or kesa?
it seems to me that this is the way our zen buddhist world is structured. “you must go to the dojo” – “you must be with others” – “you must sit zazen with others” – oh really, why?
sure then they give you some platitude about “…it increases the intensity, or “that’s what zen is about”, echoes of “god moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform” – (what a copout) – sorry, i don’t think so!