a zen buddhist monk's blog about things almost zen and telling it the way it is - zen or not (yet)

January 20, 2010

...just before we froze to death!

December 2009, somewhere in Europe.

We sat in a cold cold hall, waiting, waiting, endlessly waiting for "him".

In the meantime, Heidi and Friedric (not their real names), showed us videos of previous retreats and spoke to us in hushed tones about how fabulous it was to be there and how incredible it would be when "he" arrived.

(video of "him"): "Did I tell you the story of when I was on the Concord?"

We suffered this drivel and poor quality videos for almost 2 freezing days with all the doors and windows open (we had paid to listen to his teachings from day one, not, from day 3)! "He likes it to be cool" gushed Friederick. OK, but "he" is not even here and this is definately not cool; you could conserve your milk and butter in here!

"When will he arrive?" I temerously asked one of the "badged" helpers. "It could be in 20 minutes, or 3 hours or tomorrow; we never know." he answered as if this added to the mysticism. I looked closely at his eyes but couldn't see the wool.

FINALLY after 2 freezing days and a fire in the hotel, "he" appeared. "I'm not really here" he jested, "I'm only an illusion" he jested. Is he actually a jester? Have I booked us into the wrong gig? "But I may come tomorrow" WHAT? We have to wait again, and you MAY come? "In the meantime, did I tell you the story of when I was on the Concord?"

The next day, after my wife and I had a lovely walk in the surrounding forrest rather that sit freezing our butts off in the main hall listening to the droning platitudes and mindnumbingly brainwashed adulation of our two inductees, there was word that "he" would appear! Yay! So we put on a third layer of clothes, our hats and gloves, and then barefooted, took our places on the pre-frozen plastic chairs.

"Precious one" drooled Heidi, "Martin from xxx just wanted to say that your arrival yesterday made him feel that the universe was finally at peace" Oh-oh! "Suzy from yyy said that just your presence made her reach enlightenment!" NO! Please!

"Did I tell you the story of when I was on the Concord?"

Time to leave...

晴 雲 法 声 seiun hosei

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